Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
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What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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