Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
