you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
