I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
