im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The Olympian is in my bed
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