God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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