dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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