Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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