He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
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Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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