This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
