i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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