Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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