I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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