dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
