And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
