I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
