i think i have two assholes
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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