dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
