Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
