did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize