Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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