Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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