If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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