some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
