just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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