god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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