I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
