Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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