hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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