forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
