Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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