My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
