You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
