you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i wish my penis had a tongue
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
