Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
