i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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