I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
