That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
