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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm so hungover and dru,k

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it

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• (206): View more from Washington

  He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.

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• (650): View more from California

  I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah

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• (631): View more from New York

  Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  My liver can't handle being unemployed!

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls

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