i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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