I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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