I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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