the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
