she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
