Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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