After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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