wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
