everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
