the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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