Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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