So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
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What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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