He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is Oprah even human
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
