Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize