singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
