I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
