On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
