And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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