take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
