I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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