So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
