So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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