jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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