Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
