help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
