tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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