He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
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There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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