Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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