JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
