We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
