I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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