Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have already put on my inside pants.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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