i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
