girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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