he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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